Post Wedding Thoughts
Well I did it! I'm a very happily married man.
It's been a really fun few weeks, and it's been just as fun and interesting to look back on where I've been and how I got to where I am today, married to the love of my life.
Honestly the one theme that flows through our whole story is grace.
Over and over again, I'm given, getting, giving grace. Through all of the things I've been through, I've seen the amazing grace of God highlighted in my love story with my wife.
I've kept sporadic journals since I moved to Phoenix, and they really chronicle my journey from lost to found. Don't get me wrong, the journey is far from complete, but I've crossed the threshold of the Heart of God, and now I'm journeying deeper. I can go back and watch myself creep up to the door, slowly peer in and take my first scary steps.
I also look back and think about how many times Jesus must have facepalmed on my behalf. I was really whacked out of my gourd at some points along this journey.
Anyway, to see my love story so carefully woven through mine and so many other lives is truly a crazy thing to behold.
I had no idea when I crossed the border into AZ almost 5 years ago that I'd be where I am today, or indeed be as happy as I am today.
I've seen myself go from completely cloistered reject to Child of God, pruned by Grace and encouraged by who He made me to be.
Where there was darkness, I now see light.
Pardon the gross introspection. It's just interesting how a life-changing event like marriage takes your normally myopic perspective and moves it so far outward that your brain staggers with new information.
A little something I wrote.
I wrote this quite some time ago, then ran across it recently.
-----
[1 - middle aged man, dressed in business casual, never speaks]
[2 - old man, jeans, running shoes and a large backpack]
[2] "It's cold out today."
[1 - looks at 2 and nods]
[2] "I don't think I've seen you here before. I ride this bus everyday. What brings you to this stop?"
[1 - points to his broken down car outside his apartment building across the street]
[2] "Oh yeah. I hate it when that happens. Well - it's never really happened to me. But I'm sure I would hate it if I did have a car and it broke down."
[1 - Polite but annoyed smile.]
[2] "Can't remember the last time it was this cold. Glad I can wear instead of carry this jacket though. Sucker is heavy when it's not on my back."
[1 ruffles his newspaper, then goes back to reading, silently.]
[2] "Though honestly, these days I can't remember too much beyond the passed couple of days!" [laughs way too hard at this.]
[1 remains silent]
[2] "Not the talking type huh? That's okay. I've got enough words for the both of us."
[2] "You know, it's funny the reactions I get. 20 years I've been waiting for this bus. Every once in a while, someone new comes along and waits for it with me. They do one of two things. They do what you've done, they give me just enough response to be considered 'polite' [air quotes on the word polite] and some just ignore me altogether. 20 years, thousands of people, and those are the only two responses I ever get. You got a family mister? A wife? couple of kids? A dog? Do you?"
[1 looks up, slightly sheepish and nods yes]
[2] "Yeah you look the type. I had a family once. They died. All at once. They were on a trip out to visit me while I was on business. They were in an accident. Every one of them. Wife, 3 kids, even my damn dog. Dead. Gone. In a second. You know what I did, mister? You know what I did when I heard? I quit my job. Called my boss that day. 'I quit.' I said. 'I'm done. No more from me. You can take this life and shove it, because I'm not letting you take any more of my time." They were shocked. But I did it. You hear me mister? I did it."
[1 just looks at the man, lost for words.]
[2] "I did it. Just like that. I just up and quit. I didn't want to waste another second of my life. But then, it was kind of ironic, because now what do I have to live for right mister? Isn't that what you'd think? That's what I thought. So I quit my job. Sold my house. Sold my car. And I walked. You ever see the movie Forrest Gump mister? The one about that slow man? You remember the part where he ran? That was like me. Looked just like him too, beard and everything, except I was walking. Never was the running type. I walked. I walked and walked and walked. I walked from San Francisco to Tampa Bay. Don't believe me? You don't believe me, do you mister? You look like the type who thinks 'this crazy cracker didn't walk no 2000 miles.' Well screw you mister, cause I did. What else was I to do?"
[1 is still speechless, but has put down his newspaper and is now staring 2 down intensely]
[2 - laughing] "I got your attention now, don't I mister. You're a-listening now! Well that's all the interesting I got in me boy. That's it. No more good stories. I just walked. Didn't see nothing but my family's faces. I walked to get away from them. They left me, why should I have to see them again. I wanted their faces gone. So every time I saw them I took another step. [angry] One after the other, step after step I walked away from their stupid faces. 'You left me!' I said 'Leave me alone if you left! Leave me be!' so I kept walking. I walked and walked and walked til I couldn't remember what my baby daughter looked like anymore. Until every hair from her head was erased from my memory. Then I stopped."
[Tears are running silently down 1's face at this point]
[2] "I stopped. My feet hurt. I was so far away from home. I didn't even know what home was. So I sat down. Right here, matter of fact. Right on this bench. Right on this bus stop. I sat down. 20 years ago. You hear me mister? I've been sitting here 20 years waiting for the bus to take me to the home that I don't know of yet. 20 years. I wait."
[2] "How long you lived here mister? You musta seen me before? I'm out here all the time. Every day. Morning to night. Then where do I go? Well an old man has to keep some secrets, don't he? Yeah he do. Don't you worry about where I go. Just know that I go there. Seen some dark things the past 20 years boy. You seen anything dark? You see anything that burns into your brain? Something that don't leave you? Just stays with you day in day out? Something you can't even walk away from? No, you haven't. You can tell the types who've seen stuff. They're crooked. It makes them all crooked, carrying around that stuff. You know this is a war mister, you know its a war, right?"
[1 looks simultaneously relieved and panicked that the bus is pulling up.]
[2] "This one's you ain't it mister. Don't worry, you can't hurt me any more than the rest of this world has. You get on your bus, you go to your job. You work today. But mister, you remember one thing and one thing from today, you understand me? You remember this: when you get home tonight, you don't hit your wife. You don't yell at her because dinner isn't ready. You don't yell at your kids because their homework isn't done. You know why mister? Because God sees that stuff. You think I don't know? You think He don't see you in your darkest moments? You think he don't see when you and your secretary Lisa get a little too friendly? You think He don't see when you get home and you Hit Carolyn across the mouth because she knows about you and Lisa? You think he doesn't see when you lie to Joey about not being able to go to His play this weekend? He sees boy. He sees. And you know what? It makes me angry."
[1 is completely devoid of color at this point. His jaw is agape and he is sobbing]
[2] "Yeah it makes me angry boy. But Him? God? It don't make Him angry. It makes Him cry. That's right mister, it makes God cry. It don't make Him angry anymore. He's used to people spitting all over Him. It don't make Him angry anymore. But He cries. I would too. I'd wonder if I sent my son down here for nothing. Put Him through all that just so people like you can keep cheating on your wife and neglecting your kids. I'd take it all back. 'Go to hell! Enjoy your time here then burn!' that's what I'd say to you. But not Him. He loves you. You hear me Jacob? He loves you. That's why he cries. He cries because you don't listen to Him. You don't even know His voice anymore. You're so caught up in Lisa and your blackberry and your portfolio you can't even hear Him anymore. That's why He cries. He Cries for Carolyn, he cries for Joey, He cries even for Lisa. And you can't hear Him."
[the bus is now pulling up to the stop]
[2] "Go ahead. Get your briefcase, go to work. Get your pay. But you remember today Jacob. You remember today."
[1 gets up on the bus slowly, completely shattered, but wanting nothing more than to leave this situation. He gets up on the bus and walks to the back and sits down, the camera follows him. the bus starts to move and Jacob turns around and takes one last look at the stop. 2 is gone. Genesis 10:30 comes on the screen as the shot of Jacob fades out.
"And Jacob called the name of the place Peniel: for I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved."
Thank you for calling, I can help you!
This is how most people seemed to be when I worked at CompUSA.
I work in customer service. It's thinly disguised as a tech job, but really, if we're honest with ourselves, my job is all about warm and fuzzies. If I can solve the problem, great, if I can't, but the customer feels warm and fuzzy, well that's just as good.
This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but as a problem solver, for the first few months here I was less concerned with the 'warm fuzzies' aspect of the job and more concerned with solving the problem, which was how my last job was. Warm fuzzies were mostly irrelevant. The goal was to solve the problem.
A few weeks ago we were assigned a project at work. I found it to be mostly asinine, and a general waste of my life. Later I found out I should have put more time into it. More on that in another post.
The project was to contact several support outfits of companies we were likely to work with three different ways. Phone, email, and instant support like chat.
The company I dealt with over the phone had their operators answer with 'Hello this is Sue with [insert company here] I can help you!'
I had two initial reactions to this.
1. Ew. I hate over-zealous proactivity that is clearly perpetrated by arbitrary quality assurance guidelines that these people are supposed to meet.
2. This is the attitude God has when we pray.
I know, two very different, strange thoughts. Welcome to my world.
The important thing to note here is that the person on the other end of the line isn't asking HOW they can help you, because chances are they know better than you how they can help you, so why would they ask you what you think they should do. Why would you be calling them if you already knew how to fix the problem?
When you say 'How can I help you' you're doing two things:
1. You're giving the power to whomever you're talking to to tell you how to solve their problem. Now, this can be a good and bad thing. It's good because people who have problems like to tell other people how they want it fixed. It feels good, makes them feel like they have control of the situation. The problem with this is at some point, you're likely going to need to wrench control back from that person, which they are not likely to appreciate.
2. It opens the floor for them to vent. This is always a good thing. A top-ten rule of support is listen. Just listen. Sometimes, people just need to vent. As long as they aren't vulgar or straight-up insulting, that's okay. When people feel like they've been heard, it's a good thing.
When you say 'I can help you,' you're taking that power back and essentially saying, 'tell me the problem, and I'll get it fixed. Don't worry about how, just know that I can fix it, after all, I'm the one that's trained to help you.'
I don't think God ever answers the phone with 'How can I help you?' He's God. Why would He ask how we want a problem solved?
And when you've gone to God with a 'here's how I want you to do this' attitude, how did that work out for you? Good? Did He do exactly what you were expecting? Or did He show up in some completely unexpected and awesome fashion?
Maybe this is particular to my life, but God never works how I think He will, and frankly, I love that.
Sure, I have expectations when I pray, which is something I've talked about before, and those expectations are that God will move. I expect that He will move however HE sees fit, not however I see fit.
I am of the opinion that when you pray, God says, I CAN Help you. Not, How can I help you. If we pray with this attitude, confident that He will do what He does best, how would our lives change?
'Thank you for praying, Jesus speaking, I can help you!'
The Great Digital Detox
I was driving home from work the other night, enjoying the way Phoenix smells during Spring. The whole city smells like orange blossoms. It was about 70 degrees and I had my windows down and the classic rock station turned up loud.
I usually drive with the windows up and the music quiet, for various reasons. I thought gee if I'd done what I usually do tonight, I'd have missed out on the simple pleasure of the wind in my face and the awesome smell of spring. Such a small thing, but such a wonderful thing. Little things like that are what make life worth living.
I started wondering what else I'm missing. What am I too distracted to enjoy and see and notice and consider? I also realized that I spend almost 14 hours every day in front of a bright, glowing screen. That's when I decided I needed to detox. Digitally.
I wish I could say I'd coined the term (and prior to getting home and Googling it, I thought I had) but the folks at AdBusters beat me to it.
What it means is a complete cutting off of your digital life. Just for 7 days.
No iPhone, no Facebook, no Twitter, no Google, no email, no texts. Just phone calls and face to face interaction. You know, that thing people did before the world became so dependent on the computing box.
I asked my fiancee when I got to her house last night 'Honey, I'm thinking about doing a Digital Detox. Whaddya think?' She gave me her trademark eyebrow which says 'I'm going to regret this, but continue.'
'No no honey it's good! I'll turn my phone off for a week and just read and reconnect with the world!'
She wasn't amused.
She pointed out that I have the attention span of a housefly and it was very unlikely that I'd really be able to stick to this thing.
I said 'Yeah that's the problem isn't it, I can't go 45 seconds without checking my email or updating Facebook!'
So I decided it was impractical to cut out my phone, since I need to communicate at least with the woman I'm marrying, if no one else. So I'm dropping the iPhone for 7 days and using an old slider phone. It calls, and it texts. That's it. And I won't be texting.
Why? Why do such a thing? What's the point?
Well, there are several reasons.
1. I realized, like I said earlier, that I could be missing much more than I realize. Cutting these simple distractions out will allow me to completely focus on the world around me, not the one inside my phone.
2. Sometimes I get so distracted with the digital things, that I don't make enough time to study the Word, or to talk to God. Just to commune with Him. How much more time will I have if I don't have any other choice? What am I missing out on by not entering into daily, real relationship with God? This will allow me to propel into a deeper connection and rekindle my focus on Him and Him alone.
3. Why not? It's a fast like any other, and this is one that will cut out something so basic, so ubiquitous, who knows what I'll see by cutting it out.
Goals
I think it's pretty stupid to jump into anything like this without some solid goals. If I just do it for the sake of doing it, I'm wasting my time. So I've set some goals for myself.
1. Get to know my King again.
That means spending time with Him exclusively. Not with Him as long as my phone isn't going off, or as long as I've checked my Twitter feed recently.
2. Notice things I've been missing.
This one is kind of out of my control. It's more something I'll be praying for. I hope to see somethings that I have been missing. I want this to be eye-opening.
3. Reprioritize
I want the silly things in life to become faded into the background and the important things to become even more apparent than they are now.
4. I want a break from technology.
It's pretty hard to break away from the tech world when you work in it. I'm not going to be able to avoid using my computer and work email while at work. But I won't be reading the tech blogs I frequent. When it's slow, I'll read my Bible.
I'm tired of staring at screens all day. It can't possibly be good for my eye(s) anyway.
The Rules
Starting Sunday night and for 7 days thereafter, I'll be decommissioning the iPhone and plugging my SIM card into an old Samsung slider. I will not be texting. So be warned, if you text me, I won't be texting back that week.
I will only use my computer at work for work. No IM, no random tech blogs, no Google Reader, no Gmail, no Google Calendar, nothing.
I will take phone calls. That's the new 'old-school' way of communicating. Sure, I could go all uber-hardcore and write letters or something, but no one would get them before the fast was over anyway.
Follow along!
It's going to be hard. I'm definitely a techno-junkie.
I'm going to encourage our College Group to join me for the week. Anyone else who's interested, let me know in the comments before Sunday night and I'll put you on the list to be praying for while I'm 'detoxing.'
I'll also be writing (with a pen and paper) a blog post each day. I will post them in order next week. So expect a week of silence, then 7 consecutive posts from the detox week.
It can't possibly be a bad idea. More prayer and more time with God is never a bad thing.
I can’t heaaaaarrrrr you!
Ohhhhhhh who lives in a pineapple under the sea?!
Anyway. I work in tech support. You know what I've noticed?
People rarely listen. Listening is not something that we as a people are skilled at anymore. Sure, people hear me, but they don't listen. I often give very specific instructions, and people say 'Oh okay' and assume they know 'where I'm going with this' and do their own thing.
This has two results:
1. I need to figure out what they've done, and how to undo it, if it was wrong, which takes time.
2. I need to spend extra time repeating myself and getting them back on track.
It is (especially on days that my patience level is low to begin with) annoying. Now throw in the anger factor people often have when they call Tech Support and I'm ready to throw down with these people. Of course, I never do. I maintain a professional, courteous attitude. But on some calls I'm thinking to myself 'I could have had this fixed 20 minutes ago if you would just listen to me!!!' while I smile a toothy smile that you can HEAR over the phone, because as every training manual I've ever been forced to read notes 'callers can hear you smiling.'
So I got to thinking, as I often do, how impatient am I, compared to the God of All Creation, who I hardly ever listen to? How many times a day/week/month/year do I say 'oh okay God, I know where you're going with this' and proceed to throw myself off a proverbial cliff to 'further his plan.' And the two things result.
1. He needs to figure out what I've done, and how to undo it, if it was wrong, which takes time.
2. He needs to spend extra time repeating himself and getting me back on track.
These two steps are often repeated for every one tiny step He gives me. Resulting in a two steps forward one step back growth model.
Now with age and wisdom, maybe we improve that to 3 steps forward, 1.5 steps back, but ultimately, we are human, and will impede the progress of a perfect God who has granted us free will.
God doesn't smile through his teeth, He smiles with his teeth.
What do I mean by this? When I'm 'smiling to be heard' I'm smiling so my callers can hear it. Not necessarily because I'm happy about having them reopen Internet Explorer for the 38th time this call. When God smiles at us for being dumb, He is genuinely smiling. Of course, we disappoint Him and hurt Him, but when we turn back and say 'Okay...what were you doing here?' He smiles.
I guess my point today is twofold. One - I need to exercise a little more patience to honor the grace and patience poured out to me every second of every day. Two - rest assured that even when the jerks on the other end of the phone get frustrated with you for making a mistake, He isn't upset. He never 'smiles to be heard.'
I don’t have time for this.
Or anything else this week that's not on my to-do list, as a matter of fact. Yet, here I am.
There is so much going on this week. I have a lot to accomplish. For the first time in my life, I'm finding calendars and task lists to be useful. I used to balk at people who had that much to do, now I've become one of them 
Historically, I'm terrible at time-management. But it seems like the more I have on my plate, the better I am at it. I'm good at getting things done, the only variable is how much stress I allow myself to encounter while getting the things done. Having a to-do list to organize my day, and break the week down into smaller, much more manageable goals and tasks gives me purpose, and the pleasure I get from checking things off a to-do list (like Google Tasks, which draws a line through finished things, like this) gives me additional motivation.
I talked last week in our college group about the difference between short-term and long-term goals, and that short-term goals usually have a much smaller scope than the long-term ones do. It's funny how I'm eating my own words this week, or rather reflecting on them. I love how God will give me a word that not only speaks to other people, but will relate to me usually later that same week. Even just thinking about that idea has helped me to organize my week. And yet here I am doing something that wasn't on my to-do list.
I wrote myself a 'future mail' to remind me to renew my domain name. I wrote it the beginning of November and I threw in the little note 'good luck with the wedding planning.' Of course, I knew I was going to be planning a wedding at this time, but it was funny reading that little email from myself from a few months ago. At that time, my fiance didn't know that I was planning on proposing when I did. That made me laugh.
I heard the song 'Every little thing' by Hawk Nelson this morning on my way to work. In that moment, I realized just how amazing it is that I'm marrying this girl who, before I ever realized it had 'every little thing I wanted.' And even more importantly, every little thing I needed. I know it's easy for me to sit here and say 'it's totally worth it to wait' and someone out there, much like I was just a short time ago, who doesn't have someone that they're in a relationship with is gonna balk at me and say 'oh yeah, I'm sure.' But really. God has the right person, just wait for his delivery.
I'm going to build a website for the wedding, but as I've made clear, I haven't had time yet. I'll let you know when it's up.
Hope everyone is having a blessed week.
Let’s keep it moving in a forward motion…
Motion is relative.
If you're sitting in a car at a stop light, and a large bus pulls up next to you but doesn't quite stop, just keeps slowly rolling, your brain occasionally tricks you into thinking it's you rolling, not the bus.
This is because the bus is so big that you can't see anything else. You have no other frame of reference.
Just the opposite is true too. You might assume that the bus is moving, when in fact it's you rolling slowly into the busy intersection.
Motion is relative.
Why is it that so often we fail to apply the principals of our physical lives to our spiritual lives?
I'm one to complain that I'm not moving. I complain about that a lot.
I complain that things have been the same, nothing is changing, I'm not getting it, I don't understand, why is it this way.
Motion is relative.
I've discovered in listening to this song [several thousand times thanks to the long song life that Christian stations tend to have] that though I may feel stuck, motion is relative. And for anyone who can see around the huge bus next to me, I am indeed moving. Slowly, painfully, but moving. Progress is being made.
It is crucial that I [we] remember this in our daily lives. We must remember that it's all relative, and what looks obvious and boring and stagnant to us is a completely necessary journey for us to complete.
I find myself praying daily that I see with new eyes the lesson I'm missing, the key factor that's keeping me here in this spot. For the first time today did I truly allow myself to realize that perhaps this experience is the lesson. That there's nothing more to learn than just to lean and wait. Stop looking for the next step and embrace the current one.
This hardly means that I'm welcoming this revelation with open arms, as a matter of fact, it is an equal part frustrating and encouraging. Encouraging to finally see for sure that God is in fact working on me (while I never doubted this, it is easy to become discouraged) frustrating because it means this step has a good chance of lasting longer than I want.
In my desire to 'move on' I've lost sight of the one goal of my life. Its sole purpose is to serve the King of Kings. Serve Him by loving his people. Unconditionally, happily, not grudgingly. It's hard to do that when you're complaining.
So what next?
Well. Let's keep it moving in a forward motion. We'll stop complaining and embrace the reality and gifts the Creator has blessed us with. I'll see beyond the bus and notice that it is me moving. That I am rolling slowly in the direction that He has determined.
I won't, be afraid, Your hands they cover me,
It's so worth it, 'cause it's worth it?
I can't let it fade
My hands are high and, raised, 'Cause it's worth it
Mental Drought
I guess I've been experiencing a mental drought of late.
I've tried more times than I can count to come back here and post something worth reading, but nothing has come to me. It's almost like the writing part of my brain has been...shut down. Or at least silenced.
Or maybe just drowned out by the sea of change I'm currently swimming through.
I just have not felt inspired in the slightest lately. I had a flash of something last week, but I neglected to write it down, and now it's long gone into the ether.
I'm moving this week. I hate moving. I'm excited about the move, but it's also the end of an era. I've been living with my current roommate for 2 years now. May not seem like a long time to most, but considering I only moved out of my parents house a short (or is it long) 4 years ago, it can be said that half of my independent life has been spent in that apartment. Or at least in that living situation.
He had to go be a jerk and get married (I'm kidding, or course) and I had to find a new place to live. I'm excited for the future with my new roommate, but also taking this week to look back at all the growth I've experienced in the past 2 years.
I find that often the chapters of my life are defined by one clear characteristic. i.e., when I was in high school, or when I worked at such and such. I believe the past two years of my life will be defined as 'when I was living with Jared.'
Such a clear end to an era is a strange thing to view. Before me I see the horizon of newness, behind me the vista of memories.
One can't help but be a little nervous before a move.
In other news, I've picked up my daily regimen of Bible reading once again. It's almost shameful to say that I ever abandoned it, but when I was no longer pressed to come up with something enlightening or at least relevant to talk about on Tuesday nights, I let my personal interaction with the Word become less of a priority. I think this in no small part contributed to my mental stagnation.
The Word has an interesting side effect of engaging parts of my brain no other literary work can touch. When I read the Bible, and I mean sincerely read, not simply view the words on the page, I get stirred up. It's like reaching back through history and placing myself in the courts of King Solomon, or King David, or wherever it is I'm reading. The point is, no book or manuscript or leaflet has ever engaged me the way the Word does...when I let it.
That's the other interesting thing. The Bible is not some passive piece that has reached completion. God knows my attitude when I approach His word, and if it's anything other than receptive, I will get little out of it. When I truly engage all my senses in the act of digesting the Bible, the fruits are instant and only end when I stop reading, or lose my fervor.
I heard an interesting sermon on the Word yesterday. Churches will always tell you to read your Bible, but rarely will they tell you how to actually accomplish that. It may not seem to some like something that really needs to be instructed on, but I disagree. I am guilty of pushing the benefits of reading the Word regularly without actually providing a plan, or even suggestion, for doing so.
Personally, I read one chapter a day five days a week. This is often, though not always, supplemented by downtime where I just pick it up for the sake of picking it up. During times of crisis I 'read for depth' or in other words read til I find an answer.
The key is to plan something that you'll stick to. If it's a verse a day, a page a day, a chapter a day, a book a day, whatever it is, do it and stick with it. I find it's easier for me to do a chapter a day 5 days a week because I get up at a consistent time on weekdays. Now, it usually only takes me about 5 minutes to read a chapter of the Bible, some days closer to ten depending on the chapter. So really, I could do this seven days a week and not 'lose' any time.
Anyway, I'm getting away from the point here.
I don't even know what my point was anymore. Read your Bible. That was it I reckon.
As I write, the quite part of my mind that has been so slow to respond lately is lighting up with ideas.
Maybe we'll see more of each other.
The Dating Game
I read this article over at Relevant Magazine today. It talks about some of those who 'Kissed Dating Goodbye' at the heart of the craze and are now wondering if that was the best decision.
I always found my parents stories of high school dating...interesting to say the least. I never had any experience that even close to mirrored what they had.
No dates on Friday nights, no dates on Saturday nights. The only time I ever had a 'date' was to a dance.
And those of you from Loyalton can attest, there wasn't much variety in our school...if you chose to date someone in your class, you were dating someone you'd known for virtually your whole existence.
Having that kind of upbringing, I never put too much emphasis on dating itself, rather I found myself wanting a girlfriend. I think there is a distinct difference here. By the standard definition ('Dating is any social activity undertaken by, typically, two people with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as their partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. The word refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity. Traditional dating activities include entertainment or a meal.' <--thank you wikipedia.), I really did a lot of dating in high school. Granted, we did it in a group, but all of us, whether consciously or unconsciously were sizing each other up as potential mates. Maybe just temporary, maybe for the long-term.
I think society has branded 'dating' as something that followers of Christ should in general seek to avoid. 'Dating' to a lot of people means casual hookups. From a Christ-centered perception, I consider dating to be seriously evaluating someone for marriage. To the point that I'm spending time with this person practically praying for God to show me if/why they aren't right for me.
After one relationship that I FORCED to work as long as it did crashed and burned, I decided I was going to let God lead me to my next partner. And along the way, I tried to force some other things, but God was a little more stern in holding me back. Since then I've resigned myself to His will, and I'll just tell you, His faithfulness is not a joke. He is faithful beyond anything you can imagine.
All this to say that those of you who consider yourselves 'socially inept,' take heart, because God designs us with strengths and weaknesses. Even if you don't have any dating experience, God has someone for you. And that person will likely have the same amount of experience you will. It's a journey you'll get to take with that person you eventually end up with, instead of sharing pieces of it with the world. Inexperience among both parties garners intimacy.
What’s your role?
I had a strange dream last night about nuclear war.
I don't know who was involved, but I was at a bible study, and two nuclear bombs went off somewhere not too far in the distance it was very realistic. I ducked and held my breath as the heat wave flew over me, then grabbed onto something as the shockwave hit.
Then the real strange thing happened.
I took charge.
I got up, made sure the people I cared about were okay, and then started barking out orders.
I decided that my group was going out into the forest to set up camp and provide shelter and food to all who needed it. I immediately assessed all the skills in my group and made assignments accordingly.
In a matter of a few minutes we were preparing for the next blast and gathering supplies to set up a sort of home base/headquarters.
When I woke up, aside from being greatly relieved that it hadn't actually happened, I realized that in a crisis, be it global, personal or just in my group, I have the skills to take charge and be the calm head. It was almost like God was showing me, in a fairly dramatic fashion, that that was what he was calling me to be.
The challenge for me now is to find the spots to step up and actually embrace them.
I can't say that if a bomb dropped today, this morning, that I would be quite as level-headed as I was in the dream. Part of the ease of the dream was that those that I cared about were centrally-located. They were all with me. There was no uncertainty about anyone. That enabled me to cross that off my mental to-do list and go into action mode on everything else. My loved ones are quite scattered at the moment, so that would take some time to get settled, but once that settled, I do believe I would move int o action mode and make some things happen.
Regardless, I realized that to a certain extent, I should be the level-head in a crisis situation. God usually has to employ a little hyperbole to get my attention and to show me what He wants from me, I think this was a case of that.
What would your role be in such a situation? I think some people would be tending to the hurt and wounded. Others would be making lists of supplies, others would be aggresively moving to actually procure those supplies. I think this situation, while dramatic, provides an enhanced view of our intrapersonal skills.
I also remember in the dream thinking 'This is it. There's officially nothing else to live for but to make sure as many people as possible come to Christ before it's too late.'
I remember a few months back talking to my high school boys about 'what's holding you back' I asked them, and myself, what they would do if they knew for sure that Jesus would be back in a year. Most said quit whatever they were doing and spread the gospel. Then I asked them why they're not doing that now. Jesus could be back tomorrow. That talk continues to knock on my heart. Especially on days when my attitude doesn't match my heart's desires.
So think about it. A) What's your role, and B) What's holding you back?
Meet the Author
Joshua Davis
a.k.a. the kid with the cape.
joshua at joshuascape dot com
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